A rare day!

It is raining- first time this much in Phoenix in 8 months- and has rained steadily since noon.
A real treat and luxury for us, and I know I am enjoying it. Only 63 degrees but 97% humidity (extremely rare here) and wonderful. You just want to stay inside and be cozy and snuggle. It is a delicious day. Since I have no one to snuggle, I will read, watch a movie, and get in bed!

Thanksgiving Revisited

Right before Thanksgiving this year, I wrote a true happening that occurred in my nail salon. This was the episode of two women talking about how they hated Thanksgiving. It was called to my attention today that I was being critical of these women (I wasn't, I was just happy I was not like them, or thought as they did), and that just a year ago I had said I also hated holidays.
After thinking about this, yes, I know I did say that. I was referring to all holidays though, not just Thanksgiving, and my reason was because my husband was in a nursing home, and I was alone, and I missed the once festive large gatherings we had every year. Especially on Thanksgiving- my parents would always be with us and my children and my husband, and often other people as well.
I did hate that I had to go to a nursing home to have dinner with my husband, and did hate what was happening in my life. I hope and pray that by now I have accepted it all, and know it is all good.
When I said "I Hate holidays" it was because all of that was gone. I missed it and it didn't seem like fun and joyous for me anymore. I did have another friend call me about that blog, and told me to write "I love holidays" 100 times! I did it 10 times, and by that time had a change of heart, and knew being negative about anything was not a good thing, so I stopped the old negative thought immediately.

What the two women in the salon were hating was buying the groceries, cooking the dinner, and then cleaning up the mess. Those were things I NEVER hated and things I loved doing. I LOVED all the preparation for Thanksgiving (and all holidays). I think there was a misinterpretation of what I said a year ago concerning what I did not like, and what I thought about what these two women had said.
So just explaining this, in case anyone else thinks I was being critical. I definitely did not agree with what the two women said, and have not changed on that at all. When I heard them talking, what they said made me cry, because I wanted that back and I wanted my old holidays back, and they are gone. I wanted a big group and the preparations and the cooking. I was, and still am, thankful I was never like them. I actually felt sorry for them not critical of them. I loved what they said they hated.

Today I am learning to enjoy what I do have. And for what I do have, I am grateful.
I had a lovely happy Thanksgiving this year and am thankful. I also fully expect to have a wonderful Christmas.

Blessings.....as usual

My Thanksgiving Day was absolutely perfect.

We all felt sadness because Joe was missing, but we still had a wonderful family day together, and we were thankful for that. My daughter, Heidi, grandson, Trevor and Heidi's friend, Jimmy had a fun day. Heidi and Jimmy cooked the absolutely perfect dinner and everything was beyond delicious. We all went to Heidi's friend, Mary Lynn's home, for dessert shared together with Mary Lynn and her college-age children. The day was sunny and gorgeous and we even sat outside on patio for awhile and enjoyed Heidi's newly designed waterfall and goldfish pond.

Yesterday I was invited to another scrumptious, delicious dinner at Jay and Shirley's home. They have been friends with Joe since they were all in grade school, and they have been my friends also, for many years now. Jay prepared the most delicious fried catfish ever, and he also can create one of the best salads I have ever eaten, Another friend of theirs, Claire, shared this wonderful meal with us. We had some hours of talking and sharing, and it was all good. I really enjoyed the entire evening and felt blessed.

Life is good.

Thanksgiving thoughts

The last time Joe was in this home was last Thanksgiving Day 2006. It was not easy that day and we knew it would be his last time home, and it was. As much as I miss him, and I miss him terribly, I don't want him back like he was, and know he would not want to be back like that either. I would only want him back like he used to be. That is the Joe I miss.
So even though this Thanksgiving is not as I would like it to be, I still love Thanksgiving, and am grateful for what I do have. I have a daughter in Tempe who is cooking a fantastic dinner and I am invited. I have a grandson I will be happy to see. I have family. I have gratitude for these things. I know I am blessed.
A strange thing happened today. I was at my nail salon, getting a pedicure and overheard two other women talking who were also getting pedicures. They said to each other how they HATED this holiday, that it was the worst holiday ever, and they wished there was no such day as Thanksgiving. All they have to do is cook and clean and they hate doing that and hate the holiday.
I was totally stunned. I was also very, very thankful I am not like them, nor do I think like them. Thank you Universe for this! I love the holiday so much and love having a day to remind us to be thankful, and more than anything LOVE all my past memories. I cry when I think of past Thanksgivings, when my parents came to visit every year, and all my children around the table, and I always got up at 6:00 am and stuffed the turkey and got it in the oven so when my family woke up a few hours later, the house would smell wonderful! I will never forget those days, and I am happy and grateful for the holidays I have now and very grateful for my family and all my blessings. I have always loved the cooking and every detail of Thanksgiving.
I sat in my chair at the salon and thought all these things and started crying. Yes, I am emotional and I don't care. It is who I am. At least I can feel and I can love, and I can cherish Thanksgiving. And tonight I baked pumpkin and cranberry bread, and my little condo smelled wonderful! It truly smelled like Thanksgiving!

Sunday's weekend report.......

It was a good weekend. I accomplished quite a bit- got all my Christmas cards bought and addressed and ready to go. Spent a good portion of weekend doing more cleaning and things in the condo and running errands, but it was all good. Today Heidi and Jimmy came over and Jimmy did several things for me, and then we all went to the Hole in the Wall for a late lunch.

Sat outside by the pool on their large patio and even threw our bread crumbs to the birds!

We planned Thanksgiving at Heidi's. I am bringing the pies and making a salad. Probably sounds boring, but it wasn't-I enjoyed all of it. The weather is absolutely perfect and I love this time of the year.

Sometimes new beginnings hurt

Today is another one of those days. It hurts. I sold Joe's bed on Saturday and
am working on turning that bedroom into my office and putting a twin bed in the room.
Today I am cleaning out some drawers and the closet and packing the rest of Joe's clothing and things into bags for Goodwill. When Nancy and I cleaned out a lot of his things last March (things we knew he would never use again) it was not that hard. But now it is, because he is truly gone. I was ok until I picked up his soft flannel pajamas today and then I fell apart.
Anyone who thinks we don't change, doesn't know or understand life. I change daily it seems.
That's what life is really..... a series of changes, and we darn well better change with it, or we sit in a corner babbling. So I am doing my best today and knowing the truth, that it is all good. I would not want Joe here like he was. I would not wish that on anyone. So I accept the changes, but that doesn't make them easy. They aren't. It is just so much harder than I ever thought it would be...knowing he is really gone. I am so thankful for the many, many years of treasured and cherished memories. Don't think there's another one out there like him. And that is really what I miss and long for. I talk to him all the time and I have no doubt at all that he hears and answers. And I ask him- is there anyone else like you? But I already know the answer.