Christmas at the Villa on Sweetwater

I am glad I attended the Christmas party this evening at the Villa. Joe was in this private care home in north Phoenix, borderline to Scottsdale, from September 2006 until August 1, 2007. I have thought many times about going back and visiting there, and just couldn't bring myself to do it and kick up all the old memories in my head. But when Jana, the owner, asked me to come to the party yesterday, I said I would do it. I knew it was a good thing for me to do, feel the emotion and the pain, and find more closure. It also felt like I was honoring Joe by attending. When I got out of my car in front of the house, I started crying and cried all the way to the door of the home, but once I was inside and greeted so warmly and everyone so happy to see me, I was ok. Little Pat who loved Joe and called him her brother, was just overjoyed and so surprised to see me. I was afraid she would not still be alive, but there she was and she just clung to me. Also when I walked up to Sydney and kissed him on his head, he saw me and smiled the biggest smile. I talked to him a couple times and he remembered me and was so happy to see me. Also, Bill who was in a wheelchair, was thrilled to see me and kissed me several times. Another woman knew I was Joe's wife, and another one did not remember me. I loved seeing the girls who work there and they were thrilled I came to the party and hugged me every time they came near me. I knew Joe was there with us and happy I was there. I loved seeing Jana and Peter, the owners, and their children again also, and had a great time talking to them. We had a delicious buffet of food- all was wonderful, and then we all sang Christmas songs, very off key and heart-warming, and then Jana gave gifts to all the residents. I am glad I went and know they were all glad that I came. It made me feel good. When I left, I cried all the way to my car and cried more when I got in my car. Not kidding myself it was not a highly emotional event, but I did it and am glad I did. I guess I needed to know that I could do it and that it would help my heart heal, and it was all good.

Thoughts and Images of the Holiday

This month has been varied in every aspect for me. I have honored Joe by placing his ashes in the ground in the Peace Garden at my church. My minister, Dr. Rev. Michele shared this with me and said a blessing and prayer as this was done. It was an emotional and healing experience. His ashes are covered with earth and stones near the base of a tree right behind the peace sign. I plan to place a small angel near his ashes.
This month I also lit my menorah for the first time and on each of the eight days of Hanukkah, I lit a candle and honored and prayed for each of the eight members of my family. I believe all paths lead to the One God, the One Power and Source, and this is now a new part of my holiday. It was so great to focus each day on either Joe, Frankie, Heidi, Deidre, Trevor, Zachary, Isaac or Emma Ruth, and bless each of them for their own special day I created for them, and to then bless all my extended family and friends. I loved this focus and have decided to light a candle every day and focus in the same way.

This evening I have been invited to and am attending the Christmas party at the Villa on Sweetwater, where Joe lived for almost a year. This will be a difficult event for me to attend, but I know it is part of my process of healing. I have thought about visiting this home and could not bring myself to do it. But tonight I will and I believe it will be a good experience.

Last evening I spent several hours with Judy, who I have known since she was 6 years old and my daughter Deidre was 5 years old. Judy is now almost 44 years old. We spent hours talking and then having dinner together and it was a blessed and wonderful time that we both enjoyed so much. She has known me since I married Joe, and one of her 4 sisters did alterations for me on the dress I wore when Joe and I got married. Their family has been a part of my life for many years and this was a wonderful blessing to spend this time with her.
This has been a good holiday month for me.

The night before, on Thursday, I had dinner at Durant's on Central in Phoenix, with five friends from the cancer support group I was in for almost 2 years. None of our six who got together are now in this support group. and we are all cancer survivors and doing great. We bonded and had such a wonderful group, and it is a blessing we still see each other every month over dinner or lunch and do email with each other. I am thankful for these friends! They are all kind of like sisters to me.

The wonderful memories of Life!

I love my life and I love my friends. Those two things are really a fact for me. I think I have the most interesting friends possible and I learn these "tidbits" when I least expect them! Here is the new one to me. I got this from my good friend Belinda this morning and find it all fascinating. She was in my cancer support group and has become a dear friend, and this is what she sent me after I sent the Bob Hope stories out on email. (which were sent to me by another friend who lives in Virginia):
A bit of interesting trivia for you. Bob Hope's Catholic Church was just down the street from where I lived and I used to go to his house for Trick-or-Treating on Halloween when I was a kid. He actually lived in Toluca Lake, about 1 1/2 miles from where I grew up, actually on the same street. On Halloween he would have his "houseboy" outside his front gate with a slanted table with a huge candy display - like you would find in a store. And we were allowed to pick out which candy we wanted. His mansion also had a partial golf course and a huge separate house for his writers. We actually drive by his home when I take a short-cut to our favorite restaurant across from Warner Brothers Studios called The Smoke House which was built @ 1946. That is where I am taking my daughter, Becky, for Christmas dinner and possibly Christmas Eve as well, I have reservations for both nights. It was my parents favorite restaurant and then mine, and now on to a third generation with my daughter and her boy friend who love it. We have celebrated New Years, and everyone's birthdays there over the years.

And since I am now into some of my celebrity stories, I also went Trick-or-Treating once at Gene Autry's house, he lived by my Godparents. My little girlfriend and I went Trick-or-Treating in my Godparents neighborhood (not far from my home) and rang the bell at one home which was set way back from the street with a forest around it. A surprised maid answered the door and called Mrs. Autry to the door. They were entertaining guests but were so surprised that we found their house (because they were so buried in their trees and set off of the street and obscure), that they weren't used to having Trick-or-Treaters find them and therefore had no candy. They brought me and my little friend into their living room and they all carried on about our costumes, we were little and a bit scared (my parents and Godparents had stayed out at the gate and didn't know what was going on). So then Mrs Autry went upstairs and came back with little bottles of her perfume from her dressing table ! That was the best and most unusual treat of that Halloween or any other Halloween ever !!! Well, I have been down memory lane here, your email about Bob Hope jogged my brain to all of those past memories.

I feel these wonderful memories need to be shared. I enjoyed reading this so much this morning and want to pass it on. Tonight my friends from the former support group get together for dinner at Durant's. Anyone who lives in Phoenix knows that just going to Durant's is another walk down memory lane! What a history that place has... as it has been there as long as I have been in Phoenix, which will be 45 years next June!
Last Saturday I had a luncheon at my home and three friends I have known almost all those years, were here. I first met Ruthie Dryjanski in 1968 when we were the only two girls in the office at the brand new Phoenix Suns team office! Ruthie and her two sisters, Jan and Sharon, came over for a wonderful lunch and visit at my home on Saturday for several hours and we had a great time.
Of course, all these stories just emphasize how old I am getting but that's ok....I am having a wonderful time and feel good, and that is what matters. We are as young as we feel, right?

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa!

A story came to me today that is just the kind of story I love to hear! I believe there are no accidents and all things are meant to happen for a reason. Another proof has fallen in "my lap" in the story I just received this evening via email from my friend, Rose, at APS.
This is her story:
"I am volunteering to write Santa letters back to children that have sent letters to Santa. I put my name in with -------- here at work and she said she received 130 letters from the post office & would send out 2 to each of us to write back. (there were about 60 people who volunteered to write Santa letters. This is sooooo weird........of all the kids that wrote letters to Santa, from all over the Phoenix--metro area, how many of us Santa letter writers would get a letter, they need to answer--who is their next door neighbor. Yes, one of the letters I have to write back to is --------the little girl next door to me. Right next door. I really don't know them, but I do know they write in chalk on the sidewalks--pictures & hopscotch--so I can mention that. She is going to REALLY believe that Santa is watching."

Isn't this incredible? I LOVE it! It is truly meant to be. This little girl needs to believe in Santa and she WILL believe when she gets the letter from Santa! I know my friend must feel very honored to be able to do this, I know I would feel that way! A real Christmas story, and it makes me smile!

Rememberance and more.........

This evening Hansen's Mortuary had a Remembrance service for those who died this year. It was a very beautiful service. My friend since 1968, Ruthie Dryjanski went with me. Her mother died early in 2007. Interestingly enough, Ruthie was with me the first time I went to Joe's home and we spent an evening there listening to jazz and talking. It was the beginning of 6 months of "going together" then 37 years of marriage, so Ruthie was there from the beginning.

They read each name and the family members came forward and they were handed a gold bell ornament with their loved one's name engraved on the bells. Each family or individual then hung the ornament on a large and very beautiful Christmas tree. After the service, hot apple cider and pastries were served, and then we could take our love one's ornament from the tree.

This photo is Joe's ornament and it hangs now on my small silver tree at home. It was an evening of some laughter, some tears, and was very emotional. I am glad I went and especially glad Ruthie D. went with me.

The photo of the Hope Angel is a gift I received today from my friend Kathy. We met at Daphne's Greek Restaurant for a Hanukkah and Holiday celebration lunch, and we had delicious food...hot lemon soup that was unbelievably wonderful, fiery feta cheese and pita triangles, Greek salads, and other goodies. This beautiful angel was only one of four gifts Kathy gave me.

We had a wonderful visit and it was all fun!

Yesterday evening I had another wonderful dinner, conversation, and enjoyment with Gary Allhiser who was in town on business (he lives in Wisconsin). He is the son of a dear friend of mine, Arlene. I remember when he was in high school at Brophy and when Heidi, my daughter, was in grade school, Gary put a dollhouse together for her that I was giving her for Christmas. I have known Arlene and Gary for 44 years, so lots of memories. Now it was very hard to believe that he is almost 60 years old! He had photos on his laptop of his new home and also Arlene just bought a new home, so I got to see every room and view of the two homes in Shawano, Wisconsin. Gary and I had a wonderful visit and it was an absolutely delightful evening.

Once again, I am grateful for friends. Very grateful.

Love gifts

Today I wore a beautiful new amethyst and silver necklace to church on a new purple sweater.
I saw this necklace two weeks ago and wanted it but did not want to pay the price of it, so was thinking it over. There was only one like this, but knew if it was mine, it would be there for me.

I was cleaning out some drawers in a chest last week, and found stashed behind lingerie and gown and pj's, a billfold of Joe's with $ 142.00 in it. I knew it was my Christmas gift from him. So I now have the necklace. With tax, I had 3 extra dollars! Isn't that great? Sara Hosier who did a tarot card reading for me at Holistic Festival on 11/4 told me Joe would give me love gifts, like rainbows and other things. So I figure this was one of those "meant to be love gifts." He loved bringing me flowers and buying me pretty and nice things. So I know he is happy I have the necklace! And yes, it was still there when I went back a couple days ago!

This brought back another memory. The last Valentine's Day we were in our house, February 2006, Joe would walk every morning in the neighborhood. Since his dementia was getting worse all the time, I was afraid he would not find his way home. I made him wear a watch and told him what time he had to be back, and if he wasn't, I would come looking for it. (in fact this did happen a month or two later and we had to stop the walks). But this day I forgot to check the time and when I realized he was way past due, I become alarmed. Then suddenly the back door opened and in he walked with a dozen red roses and a Valentine's card! I was so stunned! He had walked a very long distance and crossed a very busy street to get to Fry's, and then bought me the flowers and card. I still cry when I think about it. What a monumental task that was for him at that time. So yes, I know he is happy I have the necklace! No doubts there!

Dreams do come true

I think for 20 years or more, I have wanted to do a retreat at Unity Village, near Kansas City. I have read about the retreats and wished I could go for so long, it seems forever. I always knew one day it would happen. And it looks like that day is finally here. I received an email today from A Complaint Free World.org and clicked the link for a retreat, and guess where it was? You are so right....Unity Village, Kansas City! I called my sister Nancy, and she would love to go to this retreat with me next April, so we are going to get our reservations done this coming week. She lives about 2 hours from Unity Village, so she can meet me at the airport and we can go to Unity and spend 3 days and then I can go to her home for a few days also. I am very excited about this! I love this message and idea and feel it will be a really great experience. This movement was begun by Rev. Will Bowen who is minister at a Unity Church in Kansas City.
This is an excerpt from the website that is interesting:

Why Do People Complain?
Michael Cunningham, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Louisville, proposes that the human predilection for complaining probably evolved from our ancestors' way of crying out a warning when something threatened the tribe. "We mammals are a squealing species,” Dr. Cunningham says, “We talk about things that bother us as a way of getting help or seeking a posse to mount a counterattack."
When an attack is imminent, it makes sense to sound a warning. However, most people are not threatened and yet they complain 20-30 times a day as a matter of course. In so doing, they are sending out negative energy and drawing back to themselves negative experiences.
People complain because they have an unmet need. They may want to have a social connection so they begin a conversation with a stranger by complaining about the weather, a politician or local sports team. It sounds innocent enough but this is actually reinforcing the concept that "something is wrong in my world" and our thoughts then bring more challenges to us as a result.
Beyond the need to connect, many people have a need to be admired so they will complain about other's behavior as a way of saying, "I'm better than that person." Or, they may complain about the food at a restaurant as a way of trying to display their high standards.

Take living a Complaint Free Life to the next level. Spend 3 inspiring and transformative days with Will Bowen, founder of A Complaint Free World, at a beautiful retreat center in Unity Village, MO.

It really feels like Christmas

Sometimes I get all caught up in the card sending, buying the gifts, mailing the packages and forget why we have Christmas. I know this doesn't just happen to me either. It is how we are.

I may look at Christmas a bit different than most people, but I still like the reason for the season to be an experience for me. Today is only December first, and by golly, it has already happened.

My neighbor and friend, Tanya, called me this afternoon and invited me to go with her to the Franciscan Renewal Center to see a musical theatre production titled BUON NATALE, Saint Francis and the Nativity. The hook that got me there is that Renee Morgan Brooks sings at the Center often. I did not know this until Tanya told me and then when she heard Renee sing at Joe's service, she confirmed it was the one and the same Renee. So she mentioned Renee might be a part of this production and I said yes, I would attend with her.

What a delightful and magical evening we experienced. Renee was the narrator of the entire event (and did a magnificent job) as well as singing, too. All the musicians and cast were wonderful, all very talented. And the musical director was fantastic, as he acted in the production as well as sing several songs. Several times it brought tears to my eyes, and complete joy to my heart.

The key player was a young boy playing the role of Francis of Assisi, and I learned some history I never knew before, about the nativity and about Francis. Tanya had just been in Assisi this past summer, so this was all very special to her also.

Then with lighted candles we were part of a procession into the desert behind the center to see a real life manger and animals, walking through a multi-colored lighting of the palm trees, and our pathway was lined with candles on both sides of the path..... what a beatiful walk this was! It all ended with biscotti and hot chocolate. It was quite cold out in the desert tonight!

I truly felt like I had my "Christmas experience" tonight, and am very grateful for Tanya giving this to me.